asthi visarjan

1/18/2023

After a few days in Pune to get our feet steady, we joined two long-time friends of Lee’s who drove us to his village. The drive was a story in itself, but let’s jump ahead to the village, where we were welcomed with a mix of joy at our presence and sorrow in our shared loss.

I cannot fully describe the feeling of seeing dear people again after several years, knowing how much better Lee knew them than I, how he would know exactly who was cousins to whom, how he would have asked about their fields and crops and children, how he would have joked and teased with them about precious moments they had shared. Instead I stood dumb. I did feel the women’s hands on mine and their comforting touch as they sighed mournfully “what can we do anyway?” and “G-d turns our world upside down but we have no choice but to accept.”

On the morning of January 14^th we placed the cremated remains – called asthi – out in front of the village temple complex (a Rama temple, a goddess temple, and the tomb of a Muslim holy man) which also happens to be the main intersection of the village. A few days after the news of his death in September the village had held a larger memorial meeting at that same place, but now those who could gathered again to pay respects (darshan) to the asthi and then to speak some words of memorial and a prayer.

Looking out at the many people Lee had known over so many years, knowing how much he thought of them, seeing their genuine sorrow, it was hard to keep from weeping.  

After villagers had had a chance to pay their respects, some of us clambered into cars and drove with the asthi to Sangam Mahuli (see the photos by Kevin Standage: https://kevinstandagephotography.wordpress.com/2019/03/06/sangam-mahuli-satara/), where other friends from Pune and Satara had also converged. Sangam is the word for a confluence of two rivers, an auspicious place. In this case, the Krishna river is joined by the Venna, and the waters then flow eastward all the way across the Indian continent to the Bay of Bengal.

Usually a Brahmin is paid to do the immersion ritual, and so it was felicitous that the son from the single Brahmin family that formerly lived in the village had come to commemorate Lee, and kindly agreed to perform the ritual. Our Jeff graciously stood in as the male descendant, speaking the Sanskrit words as guided by the priest.

Then, guided by the priest, a small group stepped into the river for the final release. Despite pleas by several people not to add more plastic to the river, the copper pot was given to the waters and also the plastic bag and plastic box used for transport from the US.

After, we sat on the stone platform so that more people could speak about what Lee meant to them, and then we dispersed, some back to Pune or Satara and the rest back to the village. After one more night in the village, we too took our leave. Several villagers told me that now this has been accomplished, there should be peace. Now, they said, we should not cry any more. Back at the home of a friend in Pune, I was encouraged to put on bangles again. I had broken my bangles the night of his death not out of respect for Hindu patriarchy but just because I had felt the need to do something, and actually I was glad to be rid of them because they jangle when I exercise. But now, to avoid seeming to display pseudo-piety that I didn’t intend, I found myself letting a woman squeeze bangles over my knuckles again.

Many photos were taken by various people, so perhaps eventually they will be posted here. For now, here is a link to a video. There are some long stretches of people speaking Marathi but you’ll get a glimpse of the village gathering and the rites at Sangam Mahuli:  https://youtu.be/IZKpk81kv9Q